INTENT TO PROTECT

THE INTENT TO PROTECT

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they will be called the children of God." ~Matthew 5:9


The intent to protect is a basic motivation to defend oneself against any threats, real or imagined, of emotional pain. To do this people use a variety of means to keep themselves from feeling the real emotions generated by any particular conflict. For instance, a person may protect himself or herself from fear by feeling angry, anger being a much easier emotion to tolerate than fear.
People protecting themselves run the gamut from the most timid to the most aggresive. A man who thratens his opponent with towering rages, a woman who dissolves in self-pitying tears, or the debater who uses calm rational logic to carry a point are all being equally self-protective. None of them wants to learn. Any response to a conflict other than openess to learning is protective.
When one becomes resistant or indifferent, the other feels shut out and unimportant. On the other hand, attempts to get a companion to change are invariably met with indifference, resistance or rebellion. After all, to give in to another's control is to give up oneself.
When both companions protect, they create what we call a protective circle. When both run from conflict, there is a distant peace. Attempts to get the other to change brings on power struggles, each person bent on winning; or at least not losing. Giving oneself up may eliminate power struggles, but the submission itself becomes part of the problem. protective circles set into motion all of the difficulties in most relationships.
If your companion's behavior is upsetting you, should you give up wanting change? Definitely not! In fact we can't stop wanting our companion to change unless we stop caring, which is as destructive as trying to force change. An intent to learn, on the other hand, opens the way to significant changes.

With an intent to learn,we find ourselves one step closer to being the peacemaker that identifies the children of God.