TWO PATHS

Posted on Jan. 23,2011 @ focusontheheart.org

When you come to the split in the road, which way will YOU choose?

"For the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." ~Hebrews4:12

Every interaction with people in our lives is governed by two intentions. All of our behavior and all feelings come from these two intentions. We choose our intent freely, but the choice is so often made so automatically we don't even know we've made one. We can choose protection one moment and learning the next, but the are mutually exclusive. We cannot be protected (closed,hard,defensive) and open to learning (open,soft,curious) at the same time. Whichever intent is stronger at the moment will prevail.

If you can picture a curious squirrel that wants the tempting acorn outside very much, but until he is willing to leave the protection of his hole, he will not get the acorn. When he feels safe he will venture out cautiously exploring the environment outside. The only thing is that he can't do both at the same time; being in the hole (protected) and outside exploring (learning).
The same thing is true for us all. That''s why when we make a conscious decision to change, the decision itself will not bring about the change. We can want something really bad; maybe to stop smoking,be thin;be less critical of others;express more feeling; but we will be unsuccessful when our primary intent is protective. We are also usually unaware of our true intent since it is subconscious. We probably will also be unaware of the strength of our unacknowledged intent. All we will know is that there are hidden obstacles preventing things from getting better.
It's like a shape you stumble over as you are walking through your own living room in the dark. It's your living room and you know it well. Walking through it should be easy. But when it's pitch dark all you know is that there's something hindering you and you won't find out what it is or be able to avoid it in the future until you are willing to turn on the light and look.

The first step to a meaningful change is to become aware of our intent and then to connect it to the behavior and the inescapable consequences that follow.

INTENT TO PROTECT

THE INTENT TO PROTECT

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they will be called the children of God." ~Matthew 5:9


The intent to protect is a basic motivation to defend oneself against any threats, real or imagined, of emotional pain. To do this people use a variety of means to keep themselves from feeling the real emotions generated by any particular conflict. For instance, a person may protect himself or herself from fear by feeling angry, anger being a much easier emotion to tolerate than fear.
People protecting themselves run the gamut from the most timid to the most aggresive. A man who thratens his opponent with towering rages, a woman who dissolves in self-pitying tears, or the debater who uses calm rational logic to carry a point are all being equally self-protective. None of them wants to learn. Any response to a conflict other than openess to learning is protective.
When one becomes resistant or indifferent, the other feels shut out and unimportant. On the other hand, attempts to get a companion to change are invariably met with indifference, resistance or rebellion. After all, to give in to another's control is to give up oneself.
When both companions protect, they create what we call a protective circle. When both run from conflict, there is a distant peace. Attempts to get the other to change brings on power struggles, each person bent on winning; or at least not losing. Giving oneself up may eliminate power struggles, but the submission itself becomes part of the problem. protective circles set into motion all of the difficulties in most relationships.
If your companion's behavior is upsetting you, should you give up wanting change? Definitely not! In fact we can't stop wanting our companion to change unless we stop caring, which is as destructive as trying to force change. An intent to learn, on the other hand, opens the way to significant changes.

With an intent to learn,we find ourselves one step closer to being the peacemaker that identifies the children of God.