Posted on Feb. 11,2011 @ focusontheheart.org
(hope for the heart page)
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. ~ Romans 12:2
It is when we realize that our behavior comes from only two intentions that we understand why we ourselves, as well as others, do what we do each moment of the day. To leave behind our past programing to protect and move ahead with the intent to learn can be quite a challenge, even though we know it is for the better. If you read the verse posted at the beginning of this page, we realize that we have been conformed to the ways of this world and that means to defend ourselves at all costs, but the teachings of our LORD didn't teach us this was the way to live, did they? The words of Paul in this verse echos the teaching of Jesus when he says to "be ye transformed" and how does he tell us this is done? Well, we all know that Paul's being well taught in the temple is often emphasized, but it is the teaching of God following his conversion that convinces me of his wisdom when he says, "be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God".
Paul knew, just as we do today that until we change the way we think about others and ourselves, our actions will not change and we will most likely continue to act based on our self pride and preservation. What is so impressive to me is that he is teaching us that we can become transformed as a matter of fact! I saw no doubt in the way that Paul worded this passage, did you? So we have to ask ourselves,"Am I ready to be transformed by the renewing of my mind or is my intent to remain conformed to this world and it's influence?".
My friend, if you haven't noticed a change in your decisions, the way that you treat others, the things that you think about, your anger management or your conscience sensitivity; according to the Word of God your mind has not been transformed. You are still living a life conformed to the world, but the next passage gives us all hope as Paul explains how he was transformed. Remember as we read this that our goal is "to learn" from every moment of our lives, rather than protect, so keep your mind open! You may get upset at this message and begin to defend yourself, but that is really just between you and God today. No one else will know, except you! There's no reason to defend yourself! Be true to you. Be honest with yourself! Paul has given us the way that he found a transforming by the renewing of his mind.
"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith." ~Romans 12:3
How do we stop protecting ourselves and begin learning from our life experiences? Well, first of all, Paul had to have the grace that was given by God and is also available to every single one of us today! Secondly, Paul began to think with less pride and more understanding. Thirdly, Paul said he thought soberly; as in not under the influence. That can be the influence of drugs, alcohol, prescriptions, anger, lust, revenge, temptations, commercialism or even peer pressure! We can apply this to anything that will affect the way we think and causes us to compromise our core values. That's the way we live before we become a child of God and are transformed by the renewing of our minds. Let's take time to recognize the pride that we had when we are conformed by the world view, so that we can become in tune with what God has planned for us by the renewing of our minds, that we may prove what is good and acceptable. Yes, we will prove the will of God in our lives as we LET GO OF THE PAST and receive the grace of God that transforms!
Showing posts with label learn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learn. Show all posts
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
INTENT TO LEARN
Posted on Jan. 31,2011 @ focusontheheart.org
When we decide to stop fearing, we can begin to learn.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls." ~ Matthew 11:29
Yes, with the intent to learn we become the peacemakers that we ought to be as the children of God. There's only one response in a conflict that breaks the barrier and opens the door to intimacy; an intent to learn. When I say this, what do I mean by an intent to learn? It's a willingness to be open and vulnerable; to feel our feelings directly rather than through a filter of our protections and then we will discover why each of us is feeling and behaving as we do. We begin an exploration into the discovery of finding the answers to such questions as:
* What important reasons does my spouse have for behaving that way.
* What part do I play in this problem?
* How's is my spouse's behavior affecting me?
* Why does it affect me that way? What personal issues does it stir up?
* Why is it so important to get my way , or to be right?
* What fears, values, expectations and beliefs lie behind my feeling threatened or irritated?
* How does my anger, irritation or indifference affect my spouse?
* How does my spouse respond?
* What are the consequences?
Searching questions such as these may succeed in breaking through deeply entrenched battle lines. Seeing conflict as an opportunity rather than as a calamity puts it in a new light. You may think it sounds ridiculous (maybe impossible) to face emotional pain willingly. But it does make sense. Our protection against physical pain is a physiological response (fight or flight syndrome), but protecting against emotional pain is a pattern learned in childhood, once necessary for a child's survival, but no longer productive for adults. Most of us still react to conflict in our childhood patterns. Being open in a conflict is the only way we can learn what the conflict has to teach us and unlearn out self-limiting protections.
When we stop blaming our spouse, we assume responsibility for our own lives. We are willing to be vulnerable and to risk feeling and expressing pain. When our spouse joins us in the task of learning, we begin to understand ourselves and our spouse more deeply. Understanding each other naturally gives us deeper feelings for each other.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls." ~ Matthew 11:29
Yes, with the intent to learn we become the peacemakers that we ought to be as the children of God. There's only one response in a conflict that breaks the barrier and opens the door to intimacy; an intent to learn. When I say this, what do I mean by an intent to learn? It's a willingness to be open and vulnerable; to feel our feelings directly rather than through a filter of our protections and then we will discover why each of us is feeling and behaving as we do. We begin an exploration into the discovery of finding the answers to such questions as:
* What important reasons does my spouse have for behaving that way.
* What part do I play in this problem?
* How's is my spouse's behavior affecting me?
* Why does it affect me that way? What personal issues does it stir up?
* Why is it so important to get my way , or to be right?
* What fears, values, expectations and beliefs lie behind my feeling threatened or irritated?
* How does my anger, irritation or indifference affect my spouse?
* How does my spouse respond?
* What are the consequences?
Searching questions such as these may succeed in breaking through deeply entrenched battle lines. Seeing conflict as an opportunity rather than as a calamity puts it in a new light. You may think it sounds ridiculous (maybe impossible) to face emotional pain willingly. But it does make sense. Our protection against physical pain is a physiological response (fight or flight syndrome), but protecting against emotional pain is a pattern learned in childhood, once necessary for a child's survival, but no longer productive for adults. Most of us still react to conflict in our childhood patterns. Being open in a conflict is the only way we can learn what the conflict has to teach us and unlearn out self-limiting protections.
When we stop blaming our spouse, we assume responsibility for our own lives. We are willing to be vulnerable and to risk feeling and expressing pain. When our spouse joins us in the task of learning, we begin to understand ourselves and our spouse more deeply. Understanding each other naturally gives us deeper feelings for each other.
Together we will create Intimate Love and an Evolving Relationship.
TWO PATHS
Posted on Jan. 23,2011 @ focusontheheart.org
When you come to the split in the road, which way will YOU choose?
"For the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." ~Hebrews4:12
When you come to the split in the road, which way will YOU choose?
"For the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." ~Hebrews4:12
Every interaction with people in our lives is governed by two intentions. All of our behavior and all feelings come from these two intentions. We choose our intent freely, but the choice is so often made so automatically we don't even know we've made one. We can choose protection one moment and learning the next, but the are mutually exclusive. We cannot be protected (closed,hard,defensive) and open to learning (open,soft,curious) at the same time. Whichever intent is stronger at the moment will prevail.
If you can picture a curious squirrel that wants the tempting acorn outside very much, but until he is willing to leave the protection of his hole, he will not get the acorn. When he feels safe he will venture out cautiously exploring the environment outside. The only thing is that he can't do both at the same time; being in the hole (protected) and outside exploring (learning).
The same thing is true for us all. That''s why when we make a conscious decision to change, the decision itself will not bring about the change. We can want something really bad; maybe to stop smoking,be thin;be less critical of others;express more feeling; but we will be unsuccessful when our primary intent is protective. We are also usually unaware of our true intent since it is subconscious. We probably will also be unaware of the strength of our unacknowledged intent. All we will know is that there are hidden obstacles preventing things from getting better.
It's like a shape you stumble over as you are walking through your own living room in the dark. It's your living room and you know it well. Walking through it should be easy. But when it's pitch dark all you know is that there's something hindering you and you won't find out what it is or be able to avoid it in the future until you are willing to turn on the light and look.
The first step to a meaningful change is to become aware of our intent and then to connect it to the behavior and the inescapable consequences that follow.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
INTENT TO PROTECT
THE INTENT TO PROTECT
"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they will be called the children of God." ~Matthew 5:9
The intent to protect is a basic motivation to defend oneself against any threats, real or imagined, of emotional pain. To do this people use a variety of means to keep themselves from feeling the real emotions generated by any particular conflict. For instance, a person may protect himself or herself from fear by feeling angry, anger being a much easier emotion to tolerate than fear.
People protecting themselves run the gamut from the most timid to the most aggresive. A man who thratens his opponent with towering rages, a woman who dissolves in self-pitying tears, or the debater who uses calm rational logic to carry a point are all being equally self-protective. None of them wants to learn. Any response to a conflict other than openess to learning is protective.
When one becomes resistant or indifferent, the other feels shut out and unimportant. On the other hand, attempts to get a companion to change are invariably met with indifference, resistance or rebellion. After all, to give in to another's control is to give up oneself.
When both companions protect, they create what we call a protective circle. When both run from conflict, there is a distant peace. Attempts to get the other to change brings on power struggles, each person bent on winning; or at least not losing. Giving oneself up may eliminate power struggles, but the submission itself becomes part of the problem. protective circles set into motion all of the difficulties in most relationships.
If your companion's behavior is upsetting you, should you give up wanting change? Definitely not! In fact we can't stop wanting our companion to change unless we stop caring, which is as destructive as trying to force change. An intent to learn, on the other hand, opens the way to significant changes.
With an intent to learn,we find ourselves one step closer to being the peacemaker that identifies the children of God.
"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they will be called the children of God." ~Matthew 5:9
The intent to protect is a basic motivation to defend oneself against any threats, real or imagined, of emotional pain. To do this people use a variety of means to keep themselves from feeling the real emotions generated by any particular conflict. For instance, a person may protect himself or herself from fear by feeling angry, anger being a much easier emotion to tolerate than fear.
People protecting themselves run the gamut from the most timid to the most aggresive. A man who thratens his opponent with towering rages, a woman who dissolves in self-pitying tears, or the debater who uses calm rational logic to carry a point are all being equally self-protective. None of them wants to learn. Any response to a conflict other than openess to learning is protective.
When one becomes resistant or indifferent, the other feels shut out and unimportant. On the other hand, attempts to get a companion to change are invariably met with indifference, resistance or rebellion. After all, to give in to another's control is to give up oneself.
When both companions protect, they create what we call a protective circle. When both run from conflict, there is a distant peace. Attempts to get the other to change brings on power struggles, each person bent on winning; or at least not losing. Giving oneself up may eliminate power struggles, but the submission itself becomes part of the problem. protective circles set into motion all of the difficulties in most relationships.
If your companion's behavior is upsetting you, should you give up wanting change? Definitely not! In fact we can't stop wanting our companion to change unless we stop caring, which is as destructive as trying to force change. An intent to learn, on the other hand, opens the way to significant changes.
With an intent to learn,we find ourselves one step closer to being the peacemaker that identifies the children of God.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"Defend or Learn"
All outcomes depend on this choice!
What will it be? Will you defend yourself against judgement, criticism and danger or will you venture out and allow your natural curiousity to gather the information to learn something new? Is it going to be a life full of possibilities and enlightenment? If not, you may spend every day worried about the fact that someone is going to find fault in you if you dare to do anything out of the routine. Do you know anyone like this? Are you like this? If so, there is hope!
I'd like to share a passage with you to take and meditate on today as you take a little more notice of how you act or react today. Remember as you go, in Psalms 1 where it says that the blessed man meditates on the law of the Lord day and night! Selah.
Jesus said, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged: and with what measure you use, it will be measured to you again." Matthew 7:1-2
What will it be? Will you defend yourself against judgement, criticism and danger or will you venture out and allow your natural curiousity to gather the information to learn something new? Is it going to be a life full of possibilities and enlightenment? If not, you may spend every day worried about the fact that someone is going to find fault in you if you dare to do anything out of the routine. Do you know anyone like this? Are you like this? If so, there is hope!
I'd like to share a passage with you to take and meditate on today as you take a little more notice of how you act or react today. Remember as you go, in Psalms 1 where it says that the blessed man meditates on the law of the Lord day and night! Selah.
Jesus said, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged: and with what measure you use, it will be measured to you again." Matthew 7:1-2
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